Expectations. Big word, huh? So much of our life is defined, and in many cases CONfined, by expectations. Just like the expectations we have of ourselves and others and the expectations others have of themselves and us have a significant impact on our relationships, our self-esteem and self-confidence, our experiences, and our ministries. Likewise, all those expectations affect our mentoring.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the clarification of expectations is one of the most significant factors in the success of any mentoring process. Thus, it is vitally important that those issues are considered and evaluated BEFORE a mentor/mentee relationship begins.
Many times a mentoring relationship fails, not because of any failure or lack of commitment by the mentor or mentee, but simply because it is not a "good match." Sort of like the extensive personality profile on eHarmony, we've got to ask the right questions in order to get the right people together. I believe the very beginning of this preparation is determining my expectations of me and those I mentor.
The specifics will be different for everyone, but the process is the same. We must, of course, begin with PRAYER! Opening my heart to God's Spirit to reveal to me HOW God wants to use me - that is absolutely the first and most important step.
As God shows us what it is that He wants us to do, there are some specific questions we can ask ourselves to help determine what we expect. Here are a few of those foundation questions...
My Expectation of Myself as a Mentor:
1. What are my strengths in interpersonal relationships?
2. What do I have to offer - through Christ - to help someone else grow in Christ?
3. In my relationship with Christ, what am I passionate about?
4. What is my role as a mentor?
5. What will help me know if I am doing a good job?
6. How comfortable am I with confrontation and correction of others?
My Expectation of a Mentee:
1. What kind of girl do I feel most comfortable with?
2. What do I hope to teach my mentee?
3. How do I want my mentee to respond to correction?
4. How will I know if my mentee is growing?
5. What is my mentee's "job" in this process?
The reality is that if you are not comfortable with correcting someone or holding someone responsible for their actions or inaction - being a mentor to someone with a strong personality is probably not a good match. Likewise, if you expect your mentee to be focused on Bible memorization and study, but your mentee is not prepared to devote much time to the process - one, or probably both, of you will feel unfulfilled by the relationship.
There is absolutely no reason to set yourself up for failure! The Holy Spirit can and will help you evaluate yourself and your desires/expectations. James 1:5 promises us that if we ask for wisdom, God WILL give it to us. That is what we must do as we prepare for a mentoring relationship.
Teri Lynne is an avid lover of books, constant drinker of strong coffee (with lots of sugar and creamer), and passionate follower of Christ. Married to Scott since 1996 and mother of Casiday since 2000, Teri Lynne, in her words, is living her own happily ever after...mostly. Writing and teaching women to live empowered, confident lives in Christ and HIS strength is a dream come true for her. She is working on her first book in between teaching Bible studies, volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center, helping with homework, and trying to conquer laundry mountain. Oh yeah, she's a pastor's wife too...whew! You can find her musings almost daily at the "Pleasing to You" Blog where she encourages, challenges and inspires others to pursue lives that are pleasing to God.
