"Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" (Isaiah 30:20-21)

I have been walking in the most difficult season of my life.  I have hurt and suffered like never before.  I have cried until there are no more tears.  Emotionally, I have been completely alone, afraid, and lacking the ability to see which direction to run.  I have longed for God to just take me home to be with Him in Heaven feeling as if I can't do this anymore on earth.

A few months ago, I would have been described as confident, competent, and a God-following, people-loving person.  Now I am so overwhelmed by the situation I am in.  I feel completely weak and inadequate...not myself.

Yet I have strived to maintain an image that God is still in control and strived to still seek Him in this time.  I have tried to suffer as a "good" Christian, saying all the right things and just seeking out prayer from others.

But the truth is, inside I have been so hurt and angry that I have struggled to stay connected with my God.  I have wrestled with where He is in this time.  I have tried to pray but no words have come out...tried to read but been unable to comprehend.

Where is God in this time?  Why can't I see His path and His plan?  Why does the hurt not go away?  Where is his comfort?

I am not out of this season yet.  I am not here to say that I have it all figured out and have all the answers.  I don't.  But I would like to share a few tidbits that I have learned in this most difficult time.

First, God loves me. And I don't mean that in the simplistic or church slogan way.  I mean that God sees every ounce of my hurt, my struggle, and even my sin and absolutely loves me no less.  He loves me with the love of a Father, a friend, and a husband.  In my loneliness and despair, when I don't even have the strength to pray, He doesn't judge me or condemn me or think less of me...He loves me completely.  He counts my tears and NEVER moves away from me.  He never looks upon me with shame but with eyes of utter compassion.  He holds me when I am alone and carries me when I can't even walk.

How does this happen?  How do I know this?  I know because of His word and because of His Holy Spirit in me.  I know because no matter how bad it is, there is something pushing me to keep going...and I believe that to be God urging me onward...reminding me that He is with me...fighting for me...for He has never left my side.

You know I could quote you all the scripture on suffering and tell you about all the Bible characters that have suffered.  But I know for me, that is not what I have needed in this time.  I have simply needed to find a stillness in myself to be able to say, "God, I can't do this...please help me."  Many times that is all I could say, and I believe God has heard me.

Today, I was actually looking in the concordance of my Bible.  I looked up the word suffer and suffering.  I was trying to reconnect with God's desire for me in this time of suffering and hurt.  Do you know what I found?  It is so completely ironic...so completely amazing...so completely God.

In my Bible the word "suffer" and "suffering" are sandwiched right between the words "successful" and "sufficient."  This makes me smile just thinking about it.  Is that not the key?  To be successful is to suffer.  And to be successful in suffering is to truly grasp that God is sufficient.

A person has to undergo suffering to be able to grow and thus succeed.  Suffering is an unavoidable part of life.  Every one of us will suffer and be hurt both by others and by our own doing.  But it is in the suffering that God teaches us to rely on him.  It is in the suffering that our eyes are opened to the depth of His love even more.  It is in the suffering we gain character and have the potential to succeed, but to succeed in what?

I would offer that it is suffering that gives us the ability to succeed at loving people well.  We learn in the tough times how to love others more completely.  We learn the art of compassion by understanding our own needs in our own times of suffering. And I believe there is no greater calling on this earth than to love and invest in others well.

And through it all we have a God standing with us saying, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9a)  God in and of Himself is enough.  It is so hard to see when the emotions are overwhelming, but He is completely sufficient.

So today as I still hurt and I still suffer and I still don't know how this is all going to turn out, I cling tight to the truth found in Isaiah 30:20-21 (see above).  Today will be a day that I choose to listen to my Savior, to that voice behind me saying, "This is the way, walk in it."

I choose today to press in to Him...to see Him through the pain...to feel His arms around me.  I will not give up.  I will walk with God even in these dark times because I know that I am not walking alone.  One day at a time....no actually one step at a time, I choose Him for He has already chosen me back.

Kristy Tyler has been involved in girls ministry since college. She has traveled extensively with SAGE over the past 10 years and enjoys teaching girls the truth found in scripture in practical ways.  She has a Master’s Degree in Psychology and Counseling and is licensed as a Professional Counselor in the State of Texas.  Kristy lives in Waco, Texas, with her four-legged children (two dogs and two cats).