How do we teach girls that we are called to be different from the world? I wondered this after reading an article in Seventeen called "Sex Q&A: Q’s You Can’t Ask Anyone." My heart was broken with the issues that 15 and 16-year-old girls were dealing with. I hurt to think that girls that age are sexually active and freely admitting it. I remember a time when I wouldn’t even listen to a DC Talk song because it had the word sex in it. Our world has changed so drastically...and not for the better. However, the thing that made me the most frustrated was the answer they gave to a girl about her addiction to pornography. At first, I just sat there stunned, and then I decided to write the magazine a letter to let my frustrations out:

My name is Alyssa, and I am 20. I am currently working with an organization that attempts to encourage teen girls and show them that it is okay to be different from the stereotype of a girl in our society by resisting drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, sexual draws, and physical self abuse. I was reading in your March 2008 issue on page 116, "Sex Q&A: Q's You Can't Ask Anyone" and was greatly disturbed for two reasons. First, three of the four questions on this page were asked by 16-year-olds or younger. Does it strike anyone else as heartbreaking that girls this young are asking about sex results? The answers almost allow the readers to be encouraged to continue in their potentially harmful behaviors.

Second, there was a question about porn in which the response was, "Don’t worry about your thoughts or what you watch: just don't let porn influence how you feel about your own sexuality." Are you kidding me? I struggled with addiction to porn when I was 13 and 14. There is a direct correlation between what I watched and thought and how I felt about my sexuality. The women in porn are outwardly perfect and so pleasing to males. How could this not affect my thinking? I thought as a result that I also needed to look like these women and act like them or I would be a disappointment. That greatly affects one's self-esteem. The picture it painted for me was that I needed to be sexual and "porn-like" to have love and relationships.

We all have to admit that there is more to relationships than the physical, but porn doesn't portray these other aspects. To dismiss the problem by saying it is perfectly acceptable to watch and think about these things and not let it affect personal views of oneself is ridiculous and unrealistic. Of course what I watch is going to determine how I act. Porn paints an unrealistic picture of sex and relationships. It is normal to be curious about porn and have urges to watch it, but that doesn’t mean it is healthy. People have urges to eat junk food, but it isn’t healthy and those urges need to be controlled. You can even go so far to say that girls often have urges to starve or force themselves to throw up, but everyone can agree that behavior is unhealthy. Urges don't always equal what is best for us. Since this is the case, we shouldn't encourage those urges to be explored. It wasn't until I realized the effects the porn was having on my mind, that I was able to resist my urges and rise above that desire. I know you are attempting to appeal to all varieties of girls, but the issue can still be addressed from all sides.

So again I ask: how do we teach girls that we are called to be different from a world that says it doesn't matter what you watch or think as long as it doesn't make you feel bad?